Amant, L'

Viewed in
1999

Premise
In colonial Vietnam, a French lady learns some hardcore love from a Vietnamese businessman.

Who should watch
Jane March fans.

Thoughts
Horrible movie. Allegedly, the plot was about race and colonialism etc. But that was a lame excuse for interracial sex scenes. How bad was the story? The business man creeps his hand on hers and they instantly fall in love. I should try that sometime in real life.

As for the gratuitous sex scenes, they went from unintentionally funny, to arousing, to creepy. I am sure Jane March was legal, but the story presented her as a 15 year old.

What made this experience worse for me was because my French film teacher made us watch this as a social commentary film.

What I would change
Not bothered making such garbage.

Color of Night

Viewed in
2005

Premise
Bruce Willis and Jane March get it on. Oh yeah, something about a murder mystery.

Who should watch
Fans of Jane March. Those without access to porn.

Thoughts
The only reason to watch this movie was for the awesome sex scenes. It oozed with sexiness. Also, there was a scene with Bruce Willis' penis.

What I would change
Nothing.

Cruel Intentions

Viewed in
2005

Premise
A 1990's teenage adaptation to 'Dangerous Liaisons'.

Who should watch
Fans of the cast.

Thoughts
Since the story was familiar, it was about the execution. Aside from the good-looking cast and the occasional sexiness, the movie was rather boring. The incest was the selling point, but it was disappointing. If you're looking guilty pleasure, I recommend 'Wild Things'.

What I would change
No idea.

Eyes Wide Shut

Viewed in
2000

Formats
DVD (American)

Premise
Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman play husband and wife whose relationship is strained when she admits to almost cheating on him.

Thoughts
As expected out of a Stanley Kubrick movie, it was weird. There was a lot of sex scenes, some blocked out. But I never found the movie interesting, and the gimmick of then-married Cruise and Kidman playing a couple was just that, a gimmick. Lastly, that piano solo theme was pretty annoying.

What I would change
Not sure.

Last Seduction, The

Viewed in
1999

Premise
The life of a modern day seductress.

Who should watch
Linda Fiorentino and Bill Pullman fans.

Thoughts
This was one of those films that made you root for the bad guy (or girl). Linda Fiorentino was wonderfully wicked and sexy. The actors had a lot of fun playing these roles and I had a lot of fun watching them try to outwit each other.

What I would change
Nothing.

Threesome

Viewed in
2007

Premise
A female is accidentally assigned to the men's college dorm. Two guys and the girl create a love triangle.

Who should watch
Those without access to porn.

Thoughts
There was plenty of sex, nudity and titilation. Lara Flynn Boyle was pretty hot. Naturally, the story and characters were junk. Straight guys will get grossed out by the brief man-on-man action. It tried to pretend it was a socially conscious movie about sexuality in the 1990s, but it was junk.

What I would change
Not bothered making this movie.

Wild Things

Viewed in
2003

Premise
I do not remember, but there was an awesome threesome!

Who should watch
Those in the mood for guilty pleasure or do not have access to porn.

Thoughts
As previously mentioned, it was all about the awesome threesome including Neve Campbell and Denise Richards. There was lots of skin and sexuality.

As for the rest of the movie, there was some more gratuitous shots, some funny Bill Murray, and some decent dark, sleazy scenes to pass the time.

What I would change
Nothing.